What? No Knife?
An Iconic Pocket Pal Goes Blade-Less
Growing up on a Midwestern farm, there was one item that was always in my pocket. Working essentially as a child slave, like many farm kids did in the last century, any given day could require me to cut the twine off dozens of bales of hay, slice through a tangled piece of rope wrapped around the greasy wheel of a manure spreader, or yes, even castrate a hog. Despite the lack of polite dinner table conversation in that sentence, there was only one pocket tool that could keep up with the varied demands of my early life.
Okay, this is a bit of an exaggeration, but when I had my Swiss Army Knife, I felt like I had it all.
The Swiss Army Knife (SAK) was such a go-to piece of equipment that you didn’t even have to ask a farm kid if he was carrying one. You could just say, “Loan me your blade”, and he would be only too happy to hand over his red-handled pride and joy.
Although purely coincidental, the Swiss Army Knife traces its roots back to the same era and region of Germany as my family. Developed in the 1880’s, a Swiss knife maker named Karl Elsener bought the company and moved it across the border. Wenger, another German company developed its own version and eventually the two companies merged like a couple of blades folding alongside each other in a combination sheath/handle. With half-a-billion produced, any way you slice it, the Swiss Army Knife is an icon.
Sturdy, indestructible, and with an added collection of tools that could tighten a screw, punch a hole in leather, or pull a sliver out of your finger, the Swiss Army Knife was as important to me as the boots I wore on my feet. There were all sorts of variations, with tools ranging from saw blades to tiny scissors to toothpicks to corkscrews. I even had one with a magnifying glass on it. Of course, the magnifier was so small that I practically needed a magnifying glass to see it.
Above all, the Swiss Army Knife had at least one, and frequently two razor sharp knife blades that knew how to hold an edge. It might have been the original multi-tool, but it knew its roots were in that knife blade. Forget the pocket knife when you left the house in the morning, and you would live in fear all day just knowing that the moment was going to come when you had to reach for the knife that wasn’t there.
But now, in perhaps the most vivid example of political correctness run amok, you might find yourself without that knife blade even if you have a Swiss Army Knife in your pocket. Bowing to a modern world where even a three-inch pocket knife is considered to be a dangerous weapon that must be regulated, Victorinox, the SAK’s maker is planning to come out with versions of the knife that have no knife. You can use it to tighten a spoke on your bike, fix the spike on your dog’s collar, or bend the clasp open a little bit on your girlfriend’s necklace. Just don’t have to cut anything or you’ll be out of luck.
The blade-less Swiss Army Knife is compliments of 9/11. The knee jerk opposition to anything that could be used as a weapon since that day has made it illegal to carry an SAK in many places in the United States. Of course, you can “strap on a Glock” just about everywhere, but hey, that’s a protected right. A three-inch utility blade? Now that’s a scary thing. Put that pocket knife down, son, or I’ll have to shoot you.
As I reminisce fondly about my happy days wielding that trusty Swiss Army Knife against whatever obstacle was presenting itself in the moment, I have to smile. It was a cool tool, tough as nails, and damn nice looking, too. Of course, the bladed versions will continue to dominate the market, but the fact that a neutered Swiss Army Knife is headed to market leaves me dazed and confused.